Birthday Wish

So this year, sometime late next month I will officially turn into my early 30’s. How sad! What to expect as a new chapter of my life unfolds? Perhaps, a new, stable, everlasting and promising career? Perhaps, the first member of the fantastic brood of Pinay and Mr. L’s legacy to humanity (lol)? Perhaps, the castle of our dreams with white picket fences and a backyard so we can officially buy a grill to host our first barbecue ever?


What to expect? What to expect? What will happen? What is meant for us for next year? What’s in store for us next year? What will God bestow us? Which of our wishes and dreams will be bequeathed? So many questions, so many prayers and so many hopeful aspirations that are yet to be answered leaving me excited and hopeful that the best is indeed yet to come.

Living in the “land of milk and honey,” “land of opportunities,” or “land of dreams” I have been left not to expect anymore. When I first came here it seemed that everything is indeed within your reach. Don’t get me wrong honey; it is within your reach if you have the monetary funds within your reach as well. I always used to tell my husband that whenever I willed something in my head or yearned for something to happen nothing or no one will stand in my way. Don’t get me wrong I haven’t murdered anyone nor have I lied, cheated or stolen to get where I was. Yes, I didn’t make a mistake that is correct to get where I was.

I am a firm believer that I am a go getter but recent events in my life just don’t seem to go my way. It has been a mind f*** to be without a job. How unfortunate it is for me to feel that I am nothing without a job --- or better yet that I have defined myself that I think I am someone if I have a job. I really believe it. The world is in the palm of your hands if you do have a job.

I have been asking myself over and over again was it my fault that I am where I am? There really is no one to blame you know. We are basically the authors of the stories of our lives since we decide what happens next in our lives.

Yesterday, a former co-worker of mine who I thought was a true friend of mine failed to pass my true friend test. Here she was working for a great company (I’m sure she had the whole works: great salary, great hours, 401K, sick days, vacation days and personal days and so much more). We did our normal catching ups and I have expressed to her that it has been a freaking struggle to find a decent job and to go on interviews without anyone conning you. She freaking said everything that needed to be said, like we should hang out soon and don’t be a stranger, yadda yadda… But one thing that I was hoping for her to say was “why don’t you check out our career section and let me know if you find something in our corporate website?” Nothing! She didn’t offer any of that. I guess once again I hoped better yet expected so much again which I honestly should quit already. Quite frankly, I don’t want to hang out or have coffee, etc! I want I need a job! You’ve been jobless too before you got this recent job of yours so I’m sure you know what it feels. Oh don’t get me wrong she expressed false humility alright, when I asked her about her job she nonchalantly said, “She didn’t want to talk about it because of my current situation because she really loves her job and here I am feeling the way I am feeling…” I don’t really want to harvest ill feelings towards anyone so I just started to think that the reason why she has that job is because she needed it more than I do. She has so many bills to take care of (like student loans, car payment and a recent $600 ticket); she has more responsibilities (like taking care of her adorable niece) and she someday would like to live on her own.

I am starting to believe that our prayers, dreams and aspirations don’t necessarily go unanswered…they are just shelved until the perfect time to receive them comes our way.

For my upcoming birthday next month, what I want and need the most is a JOB --- a job that I love and will love me back. A position for a company that I can happily settle in that doesn’t offer empty promises. A place where my heart will happily sing the words --- contentment, satisfaction, love and everlasting. A place where I can say “I am home.”

I will choose to forego the usual birthday wine and dining in a fancy restaurant with Mr. L…for a JOB.

I would like to get a job and receive either of the following bags lol only of course if Mr. L’s budget permits to do so. If not, I am more than happy and obliged to have this gift shelved as well just when the perfect time is bestowed on us.

or

Again, more than ever what I am truly wishing, and hoping, and thinking, and praying, planning and dreaming each night to receive as my birthday gift for 2009 --- is a JOB!